Zayn Malik “Beyond Devastated” by the Death of One Direction Bandmate Liam Payne: “I Loved and Respected You Dearly.”.Linh

“Even though we butted heads a few times, I always secretly respected you,” Malik wrote

Payne died after falling from a hotel balcony in Buenos Aires, Argentina on Wednesday, Oct. 16, Policía Federal Argentina confirm to PEOPLE. He was 31.

“Liam, I have found myself talking out loud to you, hoping you can hear me, I can’t help but think selfishly that there was so many more conversations for us to have in our lives. I never got to thank you for supporting me through some of the most difficult times in my life,” he captioned a candid photo of the two as teenagers.

“When I was missing home as a 17 yr old kid you would always be there with a positive outlook and reassuring smile and let me know you were my friend and that I was loved. Even though you were younger than me you were always more sensible than me, you were headstrong, opinionated, and gave no f—s about telling people when they were wrong. Even though we butted heads because of this a few times, I always secretly respected you for it.”

Malik continued, “When it came to the music Liam, you were the most qualified in every sense. I knew nothing in comparison, l was a novice child with no experience and you were already a professional. I was always happy to know, no matter what happened on stage we could always rely on you to know which way to steer the ship next.”

“I lost a brother when you left us and can’t explain to you what l’d give to just give you a hug one last time and say goodbye to you properly and tell you that I loved and respected you dearly,” he wrote. “I will cherish all the memories I have with you in my heart forever, there is no words that justify or explain how I feel right now other than beyond devastated.”

Concluded Malik, “I hope that wherever you are right now you are good and are at peace and you know how loved you are. Love you bro.”

Payne and Malik first met as teens when they auditioned for the reality singing competition The X Factor in 2010.

They initially auditioned as soloists, but were teamed up with Niall Horan, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson by Simon Cowell to form One Direction.

While they didn’t win the series, One Direction became one of the biggest selling boy bands of the 2010s before Malik left the group in 2015, with the band going on an indefinite hiatus in 2016 as each member pursued solo opportunities.

Payne and Malik had a complicated relationship throughout the years.

In a June 2022 interview with Jake Paul, Payne said explained he “disliked” Malik but would “always be on his side.

“There’s many reasons why I dislike Zayn and there’s many reasons why I’ll always, always be on his side,” Payne said at the time. “If I had had to go through what he went through — with his growth and whatever else… My parents are overly supportive to the point where it’s annoying at times. Zayn had a different upbringing in that sense.”

“What I can say is I understand and your only hope is that at some point in their life, the person at the other end of the phone wants to receive the help that you’re willing to give them,” Payne concluded.

A year later in July 2023, Payne clarified his previous comments about Malik.

“A lot of what I said came from the wrong place,” Payne said in a YouTube video discussing his sobriety, “I was so angry at what was going on around me and instead of taking a look inwards I decided to look outwards at everybody else and I took it out on everybody else, which is just wrong, really.”

Payne previously spoke about how he drank to cope with fame and constant performing.

He is survived by his family and a 7-year-old son Bear Grey, whom he shared with ex Cheryl.

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, please contact the SAMHSA helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.